


The Unanticipated Itinerary

by Carolock



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Alternate Universe - Erebor Never Fell, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Awkward situations, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Jet Lag, Love at First Sight, M/M, POV Bilbo Baggins, also i messed up the whole timeline, erebor resort city, everything is just out of place, fusion between modern and canon, hybrid dragon smaug, i hope i tagged everything right oof, i stan smaug but he is just disgusting here, is more like some parts are very serious and others complete absurd, masseur!thorin, no beta we die like men, no magic but races remained the same, not only the title is bad the story is too, research was done but then discarted for artistic liberty, somewhat limited pov, suspension of disbelief advised, the arkenstone is something else, the prompt word was
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-20
Updated: 2018-09-20
Packaged: 2019-07-14 22:30:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,148
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16049882
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Carolock/pseuds/Carolock
Summary: Bilbo woke up in a daze, with the plane just finishing it's landing. He walked out of The Carrock airport using more of his luck than any proper motor skill. When he finally left the taxi that he got to get to Erebor it was when he forced himself to somehow wake up. Hours of  flights, delays, confusions. All of that was worth it.





	The Unanticipated Itinerary

**Author's Note:**

> uhm yeah, this might be the most absurd thing i ever wrote, i hope is somewhat funny. im posting in a rush so it might be littered with mistakes

- _Attention passengers on The Eagles flight 125 to Erebor. The departure gate has been changed. The flight will now be leaving from Gate 13._

  


In some place of Bilbo drowning consciousness he found the phrase funny. _That's the place I'm going too._ With eyes closed and a smile tugging his lips, he stood there, half upstanding, half supporting his face with his hand, elbow in his suitcase. With furrowed brow he felt like shaking cobwebs from his thoughts, and then his eyes suddenly popped open.

  


_THAT'S MY FLIGHT!_

  


He scrambled himself over the baggage calling the attention of nearby passengers too. Mirkwood Airport was at it's peak hour, but he couldn't care less. He had gone at great lengths to ensure he was not only going to Erebor, but also he was going to spend at least good two weeks there, and losing this flight would mean more two days of delay for the arrival, plus he could even lose his place at the Special Spa that no other place had like there. Or so says Gandalf.

  


Gandalf says many things. Standing in the line to embark Bilbo finally lets his face fall into frown that he was holding back since his last stop at Rivendell. He had been told that jet lag sucks, but he didn't knew that jet lag _sucks_.

  


Entering in the plane was a rush, he couldn't believe when he finally felt the cushion of the seat mold in his back. Yes it was finally time to some deserved rest **.** Two hours of sleep should have be enough to recharge and feel refreshed enough so he can face whatever dragons might be waiting for him in Erebor. He snorted softly. Yes, there was always dragons when Gandalf was involved. He couldn't understand exactly why he remained friends with the tenacious old man. The times he was dragged into a confusion outweighed by far the times when he actually managed to enjoy whatever adventure Gandalf had invented.

  


There was something magical about him, yes, he was charming, but there was an almost physical mystical aura around him. A magnetic force that attracted mischief and trouble makers _. Maybe you are also these things Bilbo._ He could almost hear Gandalf saying it.

  


Apparently he didn't need Gandalf to bring problems to him. A few seat rows in front of him a small commotion was setting this entire section of the plane into havoc. Bilbo squinted his tired eyes trying to understand exactly what was happening. A stout dwarf was out his seat just as they are about to fly. A fire personality to match his fire colored hair. Bilbo just knocked his head back and prayed for Yavanna to solve everything quickly.

  


-I will not be flying on an airplane piloted by a _tree-fucker_!

  


Oh great, thought Bilbo, just what he needed. The flight attendants which were also elves, were trying to futile calm the angry figurine. A bit more of rustle happened and at least the angry dwarf decided to sit down. Side-ways at that, but still one step closer to the plane actually going airborne. 

  


From Bilbo seat he could see that despite being clearly against elves, the stout red-haired menace was relatively calmer with the profuse talking that the two young elves were doing. The one that was also red-haired (thought it reminded Bilbo more of leaves on autumn than actual fire), was crouched beside him very attentively speaking and listening. The platinum blond one remained upright, he seemed secretly amused by the whole situation.

  


Bilbo let an internal sigh of relief, it felt like the situation would finally diffuse. That is until the door to the cockpit basically exploded open and the most regal elf that Bilbo had ever saw came out of it. Bilbo felt himself shrinking and wishing he was somehow invisible to avoid that piercing judgmental gaze.

  


-What is happening here? - And that voice really spoke of years of being in command. However that wasn't the right tone for the dwarf though, who jumped back to his feet and somehow glared down at the 6'3ft elf from his 5'0 ft.

  


-Is this _pine lover_ that is gonna to fly us straight into the mountain?- He spoke in a really loud voice, and surely the whole plane must know what was going on by now.

  


Bilbo really was thinking it was much better to take another flight than wait this unroll to it's, quite possible, bloody end, but before the elf could retort, someone else left the cockpit. A broad man that only couldn't beat the taller captain elf in height. A grim, tired and somehow handsome face stared at that scene with worryingly familiarity.

  


-What we have here then? - Bilbo wasn't sure how someone could sound with a tone of voice that broke no argument while still being far away from authoritarian. - Why are you not seated yet?

  


His words were like precise arrows, the dwarf demeanor changed complete. He jumped back to his seat and clicked his seat-belt tight:

  


-Oh well, if there is a man also piloting I'm tranquil then.

  


Bilbo never saw someone screaming internally in real life, but there was no doubt that this was what the tall captain elf was doing at moment. The young blond elf at left a small snort of amusement and received glaring daggers from the taller one. The grim looking man gave a settling nod:

  


-Very well then, we will take flight now.

  
  


He pulled the regal elf back to the cockpit while the flight attendants sat in their respective places. Bilbo let his head hit the headrest with a relieving thud. He felt like he could climb a tree, so frustrating were the situation. _Time for the emergency comfort kit._ As soon he was allowed, Bilbo whipped out his eye blinds, lavender scented neck pillow and headphones. 

  
  


He started his serene playlist selected, and let the soft harp notes lull him to sleep.

  
  
  


  
  


Bilbo woke up in a daze, with the plane just finishing it's landing. He walked out of The Carrock airport using more of his luck than any proper motor skill. When he finally left the taxi that he got to get to Erebor it was when he forced himself to somehow wake up. Hours of flights, delays, confusions. All of that was _worth it._

  


Erebor was a gem of city craved into the biggest mountain Bilbo had ever seen up close. A plaza with a huge fountain greeted him. The splashing blue of the humongous sculpture harmonically covered the burbling sound of the crowd that walked around there. In accents of light gray and deeply geometric intricate details, the square was both welcoming and intimidating. Bilbo had always been partial to the elves design that relayed in natural and organic curves, but he could feel himself caving in, he could finally understand the dwarven obsession for opulence, if it could be done like _this._

  


He walked to the nearest stone bench and sat down. The height was clearly calculated to be something of a medium that all races could use comfortably, since his big _tired_ foot was swinging at least five centimeters from the ground. It wasn't much of problem really, he could hardly think of a problem while blessing his eyes with the view. Behind the fountain he could see the entry of the huge mountain. A basil green streaked stone made the geometric arc that from what Bilbo could see, was always open. It complimented well the dark stone that the mountain was made of. Bilbo was sure that if any dwarf heard him referring to every stone as a simple different colored stone, they would have a stroke. He smiled lazily at the thought, swinging his foot harder. Maybe he should try to learn a bit more about dwarven culture and not simple bask from their knowledge.

  


Well Gandalf would greatly approve of said plan. Bilbo squinted slightly when he realized that Gandalf bringing him here to merely relax was hardly what could be considered one of _his plans_. He would make the old man answer his questions as soon as he finished eating whatever deliciousness Erebor could offer. Sighing at the thought of such delicacies, he also got a whiff of the physical effort he went through. _As soon I can have a bath and eat_. A great yawn worked out of his mouth accompanied by a great frown.

  


_As soon as I can bath, eat and sleep._

  


Yeah, Gandalf wouldn't know what hit him. Bilbo heaved himself of the bench, he turned to the direction of the big entry slapping his foot tiredly and dragging his baggage almost as an afterthought. Inside the mountain the bustling was even more intense. _Inside the city mountain_ , Bilbo corrected himself. He gaped as he was starting to realize that the city might as well be occupying the entirety of the mountain. He was no stranger to dwellings, seeing he lived in one, but this, this was another thing altogether. The _sheerness_ of the entire existence of the city was enough to knock everyone socks off, not that Bilbo would ever be caught wearing a pair thank you very much, but the beauty, it was, in a word, _indescribable._

  


He felt himself snorting in amusement while trying to navigating his awe in the same way he was trying to navigate the city. He was a writer, indescribable could not be an adjective used by him. He would review a description of the place later yes, after he was feeling like a Hobbit again. For now he needed to find his hotel. 

  


What seemed to be rivers of people, running and splitting and returning again in another point, left him disorientated at to what was where and where he should go. Should he follow the group that was entering a corridor between what seemed to be two jewelry shop? Or should he follow that couple of dwarves that were walking easily in what seemed to be a very tall maze of stairs and _Oh sweet Yavanna_ , how can they build such a wondrous place and forgot the _handrails!_

  


Distracted as he is with the absurdity lack of safety, he didn't saw the tall man he was about to collide. The hit almost made him lose equilibrium. It did made him lose the rest of patience that he had, turning his head way up, ready to shred the strange into tiny pieces with his words, and Lobelia Sackville pride will vow for this, when he met sparkling amused gray eyes:

  


-Gandalf!

  


He was relieved, he couldn't lie, neither his voice did. A known face that is known for knowing things would always be a welcome visage.

  


-Bilbo!

And then Bilbo frowns remembering the nagging suspicious thought he had earlier:

  


- _Gandalf._

  


-Bilbo...?

  


The old man seemed to be equal parts perplexed and cautious. _So he has reasons to be guilty, ha!_ Bilbo let his frown set the lines in his face even more marked. He had been called cute too many times, and even bunny once! He needed the maximum of threatening capacity out of his features to be able to extract the truth from this wizard of man. He crossed his arms and let the silence, or what he could make of silence with all the busy crowd circling around them, fall heavy around them. It seemed to be working the effect he wanted. Gandalf fumbled with his glittering scarf, and nervously arranged a few white strays from his tightly done bun. 

  


He finally closed his eyes and sagged a bit. When he opened them again, he seemed genuinely sorry:

-I had no idea you would figure it out this soon Bilbo, I must apologize.

  


Internally Bilbo was making a little smug dance of victory, but outside he merely lift an inquisitive eyebrow. He had been told that his face could tell stories with the amount of expressions he could do. He wished it was quite literal. It hadn't been for lack of trying though, he has countless times slept with his face blotched in ink and pressed in his papers. No stories had come out of his face lines, sadly.

  


Bilbo continued to stare Gandalf, who seemed to be struggling to form a good explanation that would keep Bilbo in his plans but before neither of them could break the tense “silence”, a huge gurgling howl was heard. Bilbo look offended at his stomach. Gandalf grinned. 

  


-Why dear friend, we must eat before dealing with such heavy matters isn't?

Bilbo wanted to protest vehemently but his stomach protested louder and soon he was being half dragged by a cheerful just escaped a sermon conversation Gandalf to the nearest restaurant.

  


The place was more of an open alcove than an actual establishment apart. With wooden beams, paneled walls and a plethora of herb and spice plants tastefully spread through the place. It made Bilbo feel instantly relaxed and he couldn't summon much annoyance even knowing it was probably just Gandalf preparing him for whatever plans he had. 

  


A cheerful waiter approaches them, the moment that they settled in one of the stone tables, a recurring theme as far as Bilbo could see. He wore a funny hat in a distinctive manner and a smile that seemed so genuine that Bilbo couldn't help but reciprocate. 

  


-Aye aye lads, welcome to _The Spicy Ones_ , what do you fine people will be wanting for today then? 

  


Gandalf turned to him smiling slightly:

  


-Actually, we will stay with the menus and call once we decide the order.

The waiter nodded agreeably and laid two laminated papers on the table:

  


-Aye, holler for Bofur when you done.

  


He winked friendly and left. The two of them now deep in concentration, trying to guess which of the meals would be better for the conversation they would have to do. Bilbo eyes zeroed in the plates that obviously seemed more juicy and very interesting spices in their arrangements.

  


When Bofur came back to collect their orders his eyebrows shot up to his hairline. Bilbo order was very much what one would expect of a hobbit that spent most of his trip nauseated and unable to eat anything, and it was only when he set foot in Erebor is that his appetite came back, and how it came back. Bofur sure wasn't expecting it.

  


-Are you sure about this? These are all family portions.

  


Bofur hovered with the menus while staring at an impatient Bilbo:

  


-I know what I'm about son.

  


That made Bofur leave with an amused snort. Gandalf was stapling his hands under his chin. Never a good sign in Bilbo experience. The act in itself just meant that the old man was reviewing his words before trying to spell them to whoever was the target. Except that Bilbo was often the target. Painful minutes passed while he waited for said process to end.

  


-Can I at least know the _degree_ of confusion that you are planning to drag me in?

  


Bilbo could feel an unnecessary bite in his words, but Yavanna forgive him, he was hungry. He saw Gandalf taking a wavering deep breath, almost unnoticeable, but he said with final resolve:

  


-I am going to take you to an adventure.

  


Bilbo first reaction was a snort. Then fear. Then jubilation, for the food had arrived just in time. A merciful wall of meats and roasted vegetables with the unmistakable fragrance of well chosen herbs and spices permeated the air. Bilbo inhaled a huge whiff that was just passing under his nose and he was sure that all of his problems have been solved by that lamb tender with rosemary and garlic. Gandalf seemed to be equally enjoying his salad, which from what Bilbo could see involved cranberries, walnuts and cheese.

  


The deep sigh that left Bilbo could be heard from the restaurant kitchen, which made Bofur arrive not a minute later and take shocked the empty plates and one more order for a black coffee for both of them. Which also left Gandalf and Bilbo in the most intense stare down that two people who just filled their stomach could be. When the coffee arrived Bilbo could see that Gandalf was definitely stalling.

  


He looked crestfallen when he finally started:

-Well Bilbo, the reason why I called you here, serves a double purpose. Yes, I did called you with a side intention, not second. You see, if I had not importunated you until you caved in, you might never have seen Erebor like this...- He twirled softly that spoon on his cup- or at all.

  


-I'm sorry, but what's wrong with Erebor? It's seems like the city is doing very well and is bursting with people even in the low season?

  


Gandalf nodded sadly

  


-Yes, many eyes turned to Erebor due to this abundance. Greed people have tried to claim their stake over it but the Durin line stood firm against these financial orcs, but unfortunately, Thrór, Thorin's grandfather made a mistake due to his own greed in the last moments that Erebor was still in his control and now, well, Thorin is suffering the consequences.

  


Bilbo felt himself perplexed with the reveal of these facts but mostly, on how was his presence supposed to play on all of this. He tried to grab what seemed to be the least dangerous strand that Gandalf had left for him to pull:

  


-Who is Thorin?

  


The old man face lighted up in a way that Bilbo knew it was the wrong thread to go through. Whatever Gandalf was going to say next he knew it supposed to be the last nail of his coffin. He was here, he was interested, and apparently ready to do something that could possible save Erebor from it's own fall.

  


Gandalf took a long sip of his coffee. _Here we go_. Bilbo put his hands over the table almost in reflex. Ready for the impact.

  


-Thorin Durin is the third of the family to be in official command of the city. Thrór emancipated the city and then by his own greed left it on ruins. Thráin tried his best, but the pressure on keeping the royal status, rebuild the economy and keeping the orcs off, made him sadly, literally mad. Last I knew about him, he was internalized on Dol Guldur Institute. 

  


Bilbo felt his hands gripping tight the table edge.

  


-Thorin wasn't the most adored figured back then. Young and inexperienced, the folk of Erebor was sure that he was going to be the last stone that it need to go down for every thing to crumble. They were wrong, very wrong. Thorin receded his royal status as merely decoration. He not only looked for opportunities but he worked for them himself when needed. He saw that the only way to save Erebor was to change it's status, from royal to resort city. He took upon himself the profession of masseur. He left Erebor under his sister care, Dís, while he went with a group of dwarves around the map to spread the word of what wonderful services for the tourists Erebor could offer now.

  


With a distant concern, Bilbo noticed that his cup shook a little while he brought it to his lips. Gandalf knew he always wanted to be in a proper adventure. And something inside him was thrumming with the possibility. _Maybe is my tookish side, it knows trouble when it hears it._

-And what is putting Erebor in danger again?

  


Gandalf crossed his hands and deposited his head over them.

  


-Smaug.

  


Bilbo felt a shudder run through his body. He knew about Smaug more than he wished to. Everyone who ever watched the news for more than ten minutes knew about him. The bureaucratic typhoon. The gold digger drake. _The dragon._

  


He built a life on making people properties and fortunes leaving their hands before they could blink. Always seemed inside the law. But the gossips magazines always pointed to unfounded suggestions about blackmail and in some cases even forgery. _Guess I gonna finally know the truth now._ Though it was curious how instead of a person, his target was now an entire city.

  


-What Smaug can possible do against Erebor?

  


Gandalf nodded with his eyes closed. It seemed that the problem was more grave than he considered.

  


-The mistake that Thrór made was to make Smaug his appointed secretary. He disagreed with many of his boss prepositions knowing that it would make Erebor fall but could do little else than secure his own ownership of the city while the dwarf was complete oblivious to everything but the stack of money he was building in his safe.

  


Bilbo stalled a little while thinking in the timeline. Smaug couldn't possible be 80 years old. He was only a man after all. 

  


Gandalf was smiling amused, seeming to know exactly what Bilbo was thinking about:

  


-Oh yes, Smaug is the last hybrid of dragons and humans, which will help us in our plan-

  


Two blue scared eyes looked up at the squeak Bilbo made.

  


-Wait! Wait, hybrid dragon?! Plan, which involves me? Gandalf, I can't possible!

  


Gandalf seemed a bit displeased, maybe with his own mistake. He moved on however as if he sensed that the whole story might convince Bilbo either way.

  


-On the contrary Bilbo, I find that you might be the only one who can do this.

  


Bilbo was too shocked to formulate an answer which empowered Gandalf again:

  


-Technically, Smaug can claim ownership over Erebor, which Thorin could only contest with a very special document.

  


Before a sigh of relief could leave his lips, Gandalf finished:

  


-Which is lost. - Bilbo eyes bulged into an incredible amount, coincidentally, it was the same amount of incredulity he was feeling. -But I'm fairly sure Smaug got his hands on it illegally. The Arkenstone, is a royal document that overrides whatever barely legal maneuver Smaug is about to do. Luckily for us, it is indeed a unique document, due to Thrór extravagance it was crafted into a special paper, which will make it easy to recognize, it shines like no other paper-

  


Bilbo stopped Gandalf with a single lifted indicator and took a deep breath while trying to calm down his slowly shimmering anger, because he was fairly sure where this was heading:

-What exactly am I supposed to do in this whole fanfare?

  


The smile that Gandalf gave was his least favorite. It meant that Gandalf knew he was being an absolute little shit and Bilbo was silly for expecting otherwise. Or that only his Baggins pride was holding him back. He would accept sooner or later. In this case, it was an amalgamation of both.

  


-Why Bilbo, you will be the most important piece of the plan. The burglar.

  


Bilbo lifted from the table so fast he was sure the thing would shake were it not made of pure dense stone.

  


-Absolutely not. Thank you for bringing me here before all went south and all of that, but I'm afraid you chosen the wrong hobbit for the job. 

  


He was looking at the ground while saying those things, grabbing the handler of his baggage and couldn't possible see Gandalf also lifting to his impressive height, he only noticed when the man head obscured the ceiling lamp, making a foreboding shadow loom over him before Gandalf words thundered out of his mouth:

  


-BILBO BAGGINS IF I SAY THAT YOU ARE A BURGLAR, THEN A BURGLAR YOU ARE!

  


The Baggins inside him was screaming _no! I'm not!_ But the Took was even more exalted and let his opinion out:

  


-I don't think this is the sort of thing one should be shouting in _a public restaurant!-_ The last bit was actually whispered because Bilbo managed to swallow his indignation for his pride.

  


Bilbo looked with apprehension to the rest of the establishment and noticed than none of the few patrons had really paid attention and Bofur was now behind the counter with a grizzled dwarf that seemed to be punching numbers in a machine under it:

  


-Oh do not worry lad, we all know about _the plan. -_ He finished with another wink, of a different quality, less playful and more like _trust me_.He turned and looked to the grizzled dwarf who seem far too absorbed in his task, Bofur shoved a not too gentle elbow in him – Isn't Bifur?- Bifur grunted in pain and after looking up it to Bilbo and Gandalf he grunted again. This time it seemed like an agreement, but Bilbo knew very little about dwarves to be sure. In fact, he found himself wanting to know less and less. 

  


-NO! There is no plan!, I will make no part of it. Thank you for the food, it was wonderful, but I must go – Bilbo felt a swirl of conflicting emotions. Bofur face fell, Bifur looked disappointed like he was expecting for this. Gandalf was the worst, he looked like Bilbo had horridly offended him. Which he might had, he wasn't sure. 

  


He pulled his baggage and left the restaurant as fast as he could. Going up to the handrail-less stairs more worried about putting distance than having any kind of safety.

  


Somehow, between asking tourists and local dwarves, Bilbo managed to locate his hotel. The only hotel with natural windows. A terrible notion to think that if he had delayed a bit more he might had to sleep on a full on mountain experience. No windows. No sunlight to wake him up.

  


Even after unloading all of his baggage and taking a shower with really nice pressure, even if the whole dark sculpted granite, _was it granite that dark shimmering stone?_ Was a bit off putting for his tastes. He was used to his comfortable white bathtub, with bronze knobs, the walls painted a butter yellow, the woods honey colored. All hobbit sized.

  


The stone was asperous, and the shower cubicle was decidedly too big to him. The whole affair was definitely an experience, but Bilbo was sure it wasn't a relaxing one. Neither helped lift the thoughts in his head. Yes, he had stolen a few things in his youth, but to Gandalf to bring him solely for _this purpose!_

  


Bilbo was so incensed he was sure he couldn't sleep in this state. He need something to relax. _Massage! Yes, a massage!_ It might be exactly what he needed. He hoped the dwarves skills on stone also extended into anatomy.

He put the most comfortable and easy to remove clothes from his recently arranged wardrobe and went back to slap his way around Erebor green halls. Marble and his bare feet definitely didn't made a quiet combination without effort.

  


He found the massage parlor with the help of another group of dwarves. It was a fairly common occurrence since no one outside Erebor was used to a maze of this size for a city. Bilbo stopped the pang of thinking that future generations might never see this and resolutely followed the directions.

  


The massage parlor was made in the side of the mountain that was actually more of an open place, with the natural springs of hot water decorating the huge windows of the reception. Bilbo sighed in relief with such visage. The rest of the mountain was beautiful, but a bit claustrophobic for those not used to it. Specially with the suffocating businesses Gandalf wanted to put him through. 

  


He shook his head decisively. _I am here to relax, not to think in any problems._ He entered the room indicated by the receptionist and immediately regreted every decision he made that led him here.

  


To say that the dwarf that was staring back at him was gorgeous was a bit of understatement.

  


Long curled black hair tied in a low a ponytail. Thick eyebrows that spoke of determination. A nose that showed a bit of stubborn pride. A neat full beard that inspired respect and sighs. A thin mouth so discreet that was almost forgot. And his eyes. _Oh sweet Yavanna._ Eyes blue like the goddamn shire sky in a morning of the first days of summer. Eyes that were widen in surprise and infused with vitality. For a minute Bilbo ached for home. For a second Bilbo thought that he could easily make those eyes look like home.

  


He dispersed the thought with a strong shook in his head. Beautiful or not, that was his masseur, and the last thing he need was a sudden crush. He cleared his throat awkwardly while pointing out the closest massage table. A elegant piece made of light colored wood and padded with a soft looking black leather. The rest of the room, now that Bilbo paid attention to it, followed the same pattern. Just like the reception, this part of Erebor seemed to follow more the outsiders aesthetic preferences. Simple lines and contained comfort.

  


-You are here for a massage then? - A perfect mix of soft and grave voice . And Bilbo was done, he wanted to shove his face somewhere, thankfully the massage table had a perfect hole just for this propose. Bilbo swallowed down all of the silly things his mind was trying to say and nodded while speaking:

  


-Yes I am, for a good time. For the massage, I mean. Uhm, I will just, uh, lay down?

  


The wonderful, terrible dwarf decided that the situation was a good moment to smile for the first time. And Bilbo just had time to basically throw himself in the table and shove his head in a way that verged on uncomfortable. He did prided himself in let his eyes go no further than the line of the neck of the dwarf. More of a fail-safe instinct than anything. The small glimpse he did let slip was enough to know that under the black scrubs like uniform there was a very delineated and strong body.

  


-Do you prefer undressing on the table? - He felt his body go hot and cold, and then he understood, that he did needed to undress if he wanted a massage. Bilbo felt extremely silly, but he quickly shed the clothes without making eye contact. He was sure the dwarf was about express his worries over massaging a tomato if he didn't get his blush under control.

  


The dwarf laid a towel delicately over his back and made a strange discontent noise. Then another towel appeared and Bilbo understood that despite his size, his buttocks apparently were far too wide for the standard towel size. _Sweet Green Yavanna!_ Bilbo would not leave this room with his pride unscathed. 

  


He had a few minutes to recompose himself. Between staring at the polished wood floor and hearing the calm and rhythm noises of whatever the dwarf was preparing, a soft harp melody started playing and Bilbo could feel himself finally starting to relax a bit. An incredible good smell was invading his nostrils too, and maybe Bilbo thought, just maybe, all that mayhem he went through was worth this.

  


The smell got closer and he heard the dwarf announce:

-I'm going to put my hands now on you, okay?

  


A part of his brain complete forgot that he was here for an actual massage and wanted to scream in fear or shock, he wasn't sure. Another part, probably his Took side, was basically chanting _yes please, that will be more than okay._ Thankfully all that Bilbo let out was a positive humming noise. And that made the dwarf set his very large hands over the span of his back and before he could think anything inappropriate the immediate pressure and rubbing set all the tense muscles and knots he wasn't even aware of, loose and his consciousness resisted about five minutes before he fell into a light slumber.

  


He woke up to a light tapping on his shoulder:

  


-Mr. Halfling, Mr. Halfling?

  


Bilbo turned his head, which was unfortunate to the right side of his face, something was digging with all strength possible. He frowned and opened his to see the shire sky once more, but contained into two amused orbs.

  


He gaped a bit when he realized what just happened. 

  


-I was asking if you would like to continue to massage?

  


Bilbo impersonated a fish for a few more awkward seconds and then nodded dumbly and shoved his face back in the hole. He just hoped the dwarf didn't woke him up to turn around, since he just started his own shamming session in his head. For the length of time that went without any requests, Bilbo assumed that wasn't the case. He managed to relax again a bit, when the dwarf came back with something that produced heat close to his leg. He heard a few clicking noises and a strange soft scratching. Then Bilbo heard the dwarf voice pronounce something he wasn't expecting:

  


-I going to put my stones on you now.

  


His eyes popped open under table. _Surely he doesn't meant that! I must have misheard._ And then the dwarf stones were being rubbed over his back. Then Bilbo realized, he meant, _actual stones_ , not the lewd shire way of referring the... never mind.Bilbo once more wished he could shove his head somewhere, but he was already very much shoved, as much as one could stay shoved in said situation. He let himself be swiped over the feeling of the hot stones, and wasn't that a pure ingenious dwarf idea. _Jet lag must be finally getting onto me._

  


Then after being swiped, prodded and kneaded like aunt Mirelia bread over and twice Bilbo felt the stones being slowly deposited over him, like he would do as a child in his long expeditions. He snorted quietly at the comparison, but it did felt nice. There was something about being connected to the ground and ground things that hobbits and dwarves seemed to share in different manners, but with equal intensity. It wasn't take too much for Bilbo to start getting fond for stones too after all.

  


When the dwarf started removing them after losing the heat, and asked him to turn over, Bilbo felt far too sluggish and sated to feel anything but contentment. He was becoming a mush Bilbo shaped, and he was more than fine with this. The rest of the massage on his front proceeded as the same. The dwarf skilled hands turning all of his aching muscles like molten metal. Depositing the heated stones over his tenders muscles. The only hiccup was when he tried to put stones between Bilbo large toes. The smaller stones couldn't be held since the gap was too big, and the bigger ones were too heavy to stay put without Bilbo tensing his foot, which was not the point of a relaxing massage. 

  


The dilemma was solved by simple wrapping Bilbo feet on towels. Grounded by stones as if he were a sheet of paper about to fly, Bilbo felt back to his slumber. He was dreaming about the shire sky when he was roused back to consciousness by two rushed murmuring voices, he turned slightly to his side to see the two figurines talking at the door, his dwarf masseur and another person from the staff by the black uniform, an elderly dwarf with blue eyes and worried expression:

  


_-You should had called me!_

-It is no problem Dori, I was... I was missing doing this anyway. - The dwarf who was apparently Dori, harrumphed unhappily. - Besides, it might be the last time I can do this. - Dori face fell the instant this words left the masseur mouth.

- _Oh Thorin..._

  


_Oh shit!_ Bilbo didn't thought the whole ordeal could be more awkward after everything he went through, but no, apparently he just had accidentally made the King of the Mountain massage him. The two finished the conversation while he was too deep in his own shock to do anything else but Bilbo managed to turn back to his fake sleep before Thorin could notice it.

  


Which might had been a stupid decision, if Gandalf told him about the plan. He might know who he was all this time anyway. _The massage might just had been a favor in exchange of another favor._ Bilbo frowned internally. He decided to give up the ruse and rise slowly:

-So you are Thorin?

  


Thorin turned sharply from where he was rearranging his things, his expression quickly became serene again:

-My apologies, we were speaking too close weren't we?

  


Bilbo nodded slowly, deciding how to approach this:

-Gandalf told me about you...

  


He watched Thorin face lighten up and his insides clenched at the meaning of this -So you _are_ the burglar! - He breathed the title as if it was a great wonder. 

  


Bilbo felt positively snappish.

  


-I'm no burglar, I am Bilbo Baggins from Bag's End, thank you very much, and I never stole, uhm, something important in my life.

  


Thorin expression became cynic so quickly Bilbo almost thought he was looking at someone else:

-Figured. You look more like a grocer than a burglar. 

  


A part of Bilbo felt offended, other part wondered if it was an offense. Part of him wanted to claim he was a burglar. He wasn't sure where the urge came from, but he settled into simply affirming:

  


-I am a writer! - And he did managed to sound more offended at his own title than Thorin dissing. The dwarf in question looked curiously at him for a moment, before his expression fell into some dejected thing that Bilbo wished he never knew that the most important dwarf of Erebor was capable of.

  


-Then maybe you could write about our history. - His voice was a weak thing, and Bilbo felt like he was the one stark naked, instead of himself under simple towels.

  


-Why should...I write about Erebor? - Bilbo fiddled with his towels, while he saw the dwarf apparently becoming more heart broken at his own thoughts.

  


-Gandalf didn't told you?- His tone was incredulous. Bilbo gaped his mouth for a bit, unsure of what he was referring to – The plan? Sort of...

  


Thorin was shaking his negatively:

-What Smaug wants.

  


_Oh._ Bilbo frowned again, sensing he was missing something:

-Erebor?- He said tentatively.

  


The dwarf mouth set into a grim line before he said:

-Revenge.

  


Bilbo couldn't say much before Thorin continued:

-He doesn't want to own Erebor, he wants to destroy! Destroy our history, our culture, the pride of our folk! He told me without no qualms that once he officially owns Erebor his first great pleasure will be to burn all of the ancients books registering our past. 

  


The fire burning in Thorin eyes must be bigger than the one that Smaug was planning to do. Bilbo felt himself compelled:

-Why?

  


-Because he _can._

  


Bilbo decided it was time to dress himself, and the agitated dwarf turned his back to give him a bit of privacy. The situation was tense, and worst than Bilbo was informed, he wasn't sure what he was to do about all this, but he could feel something stirring inside him. He couldn't just let this be.

  


-Revenge about what?

  


Thorin was vibrating with a nervous energy when he turned to face Bilbo again:

-Against my grandfather, against his offenses and mockery. Back then Smaug had a modicum of decency and tried to argue against my grandfather most stupid and selfish decisions, but all he got back was dismissals and bitter words, something that one should never do with a young dragon. He waited all these years for this moment, he wants to destroy everything he held dear once.

  


Bilbo could felt a storm raging inside him. A part of him absolutely didn't wanted to get involved on all this. But he also couldn't let this happen when it was clearly that he was indeed the only one who could do something. Smaug hatred seemed to be spread against all the dwarven race. There wasn't any subtle move they could pull. They knew Gandalf, and trusted Gandalf as such. And Gandalf trusted him. And his almost long forgot burgling skills.

  


He had no idea what a hybrid dragon was capable of. And Smaug was pretty much awful from all the things he had heard so far, draconian abilities not included. He wondered how difficult would be to steal a piece of paper, if this piece of paper was the only way to make sure none of this would happen.

  


-Can you guarantee my safety?- Bilbo heard his voice asking in a very weak tone.

  


Thorin eyes were burning back to his. 

-No. And even if I did, I would not be able to extend it beyond the reach of my company. Once you enter Smaug's lair you are on your own.

  


Bilbo jumped back to the floor. And turned to the door. He left in an almost sleepy pace. He wasn't sure what he was waiting for. Maybe to Thorin to say some magical word that would make his mind finally resolve. Either complete give up this absurd idea or to complete dive into the mad fanfare. His delay only granted him to hear Thorin sighing what was the most disappointed sound he ever heard in his life.

  


  


  


The bed was far too big. The sheets were too new to be comfortable. The moonlight entered his room like an uninvited guest. He could had closed the curtains but he didn't felt like he could sleep in the darkness tonight. Correction, he felt like he couldn't sleep, period. Every time he closed his eyes Thorin and all of the things he was carrying in his noble dwarf back came into a rushing speed, like the quick stream that there was nearby his home.

  


It is no wonder Gandalf was so out of himself. The loss that this would be. The enormous hole that Smaug would tear open just because he wanted to prove that he _could._

  


_What one single person can change! Pitiful be Yavanna!_

  


What _he_ could change. Bilbo took a gulp of breath that felt like actual water. The slowly realization that he wasn't anymore just a meager writer from The Shire, almost crying on a weekly base to have his books published somewhere. Instead he could be Bilbo Baggins, solemnly small piece standing between a beautiful and ancient kingdom and the vicious dragon that wanted to burn it down.

  


Bilbo gingerly lifted himself from the bed and paced through his bedroom. He could feel the decision solidifying inside him. It was thrilling, scary, horrifying, wonderful, absolutely magnanimous to know that something like that was about to happen. Like watching a natural disaster forming. There wasn't much that he could except to prepare for the eventual damage.

  


He opened the window to let more cold air get inside. He felt like he was incandescent. The night was jarringly quiet outside. He could see the plaza from his room, and apparently the folk of the mountain liked to stay more inside at night. Except two figurines. Bilbo was almost sure he knew both of them. A blonde young elf and a ginger dwarf.

  


They were walking calmly until they reached the fountain. That only now Bilbo noticed what was depicting. It was the figure of a dwarf defeating a troll. For some reason it was barely detailed. Only from afar one could see the whole picture. The wind carried the dwarf and elf voices easily to his window.

  


-I can't believe I will have to watch the fall of Erebor with my own eyes, atch! Side by side with an elf no less! 

The young elf turned and bended himself over the dwarf in what Bilbo sensed to be, a very mischievous manner.

-What about side by side with your boyfriend?

  


There was a quiet ringing silence after that statement and Bilbo really couldn't feel arsed to care about be intruding such private moment, cause as far as he knew, the only dwarf and elf relationship that ever happened was considered a myth, written in a very old book.

  


If the night weren't so quiet Bilbo was sure he wouldn't have heard the soft reply:

  


-Aye, I could do that.

  


The elf bended a bit more and the short thick arms of the dwarf came up to encircle his back. And when he started hearing smacking sounds it was that he decided to close the window. He could respect people privacy after all.

  


He laid down back in his bed oddly at peace with himself. Like he had stones of determination laid on him by Thorin. _Sweet weeping Yavanna who ears must be red by now!_ Bilbo have never heard of a dwarf and hobbit relationship either, but that wasn't enough to stop him now. Nothing was going to stop him now. If he was going to steal what was basically the heart of the mountain from a dragon, why not try to steal the heart of the dwarf that either wanting or not, forged him into something new? Or forged him back to his original. Years of commodity and fear of new things, all hammered away by the beating courage of a beautiful dwarf.

  


Years from now, Bilbo is sure, the story of his demise will be told in plain and simple terms. _Here lies Bilbo Baggins, gave up a comfortable life and died a horrible death because he couldn't say no to a dark brooding handsome dwarf._ With a final tired snort Bilbo fell asleep.

  


  


The next day Bilbo found himself in the Spice Ones, trying to take directions from Bifur was kind of a lost cause, he could only understand that it was about to be peak hour and Bifur couldn't even count with Bofur to help, but thankfully, Bombur, a lovely gentle dwarf, whose love for food was at the show in every curve of his body, quickly intercepted and before than thirty minutes, Bilbo had reached his destination. 

  


The particular dining room was filled with what Bilbo counted, about eleven dwarves. They made raucous enough for the triple of it however. Gandalf was close to the entrance, somewhat serious while talking with a dwarf of severe face and dark grey hair. Thorin was at the opposite side of the entrance, sitting in the head of the table, contrary to everyone else, quiet and deep in thought, hands over the table and his gaze lost somewhere between then.

  


Bilbo realized that there was no polite way to call attention to his presence. So he made the most obvious choice. He cleared his throat obnoxiously loud. 

  


The effect was, Bilbo noticed smugly, immediate. A sea of shocked expressions and then a bursting of havoc again. This time small packages were being throwed around. Bilbo looked at Gandalf trying to understand what was happening:

  


-They made bets on either you would show up or not, most of them bet that you wouldn't. - Bilbo knew very well that expression. He asked with a slightly placid smile:

-And what did you think?

  


Gandalf grumbled and then lifted his hand just in time to catch his package:

-My dear fellow, I never doubted you for a second.

  


Bilbo could feel the proud smile spreading on his face. He could also feel someone eyes staring intensely into him. He turned to confirm what he already knew, but wasn't ready for. He really thought that it was unfair for the color blue to have such a heated tone.

  


He tries to disperse his gaze and then notices that Gandalf was staring amused at the both of them. _Oh great._ But before neither of them could say anything, Thorin calls their attention and makes everyone sit.

-Well now that the company is complete, we can discuss the plan.

  


Gandalf politely interrupted Thorin, and turned back to Bilbo:

-Before anything, let me introduce you to the company of Thorin Durin. The only dwarves that believed in his resort idea back when no one would. This is Kíli and Fíli, his nephews. Dwalin his left arm. Balin his advisor. Dori who is the actual massaur of the parlor, Nori who, uhm helps and Ori, who is the royal secretary. Oin is the medical area and Gloin takes care of all financial problems. Bombur is the chief of The Spicy Ones, which Bifur takes care of, but they are not here as you can see. Only Bofur came, who you already know, now works as waiter.

  


Nodding but still feeling slightly confused about what was the commotion from before, Bilbo couldn't help but ask:

-And what was being discussed before I arrived?

  


Bofur, who was sat at his right, promptly answered:

-Well we were trying to come up with a plan that didn't involved you. 

  


Bilbo nodded agreedbly:

-And what you guys came up with? - He looked at the apprehensive table around him. Most of them wearing grimaces and the single glance that he stole of Thorin showed that the dwarf was definitely feeling some sort of embarrassment.

  


Bofur left a gust of air and replied:

-Nothing.

  


Bilbo tried to smile back but all that his face did was screaming the small despair he felt inside. Gandalf grumbled a bit on his left before starting speaking:

  


-Well, we don't need to worry about such things now. Bilbo is here and he has what the plan requires, stealth and no small amount of courage.

  


Many noises were heard on the table and Bilbo was sure that most of them were in disagreement. Bilbo was also one of those that made the noise.

  


-If anyone has a better idea, now is the time to say it. - Bilbo could see that Gandalf was a bit snappish, he didn't reached this point for a bunch of stubborn dwarves to disagree with him. And none did. - Very well, here is the plan...

  


*

  


If the green marble floors of Erebor were more slippery today, well you couldn't exactly blame Bilbo. He was sweating buckets, and _Yavanna above,_ he was about to face his first real dragon in his life. First hybrid real dragon. Which he would have not only to face but also lie to his _face._

  


His shirt was plastered in his back in the same way that the false smile in his face was. His only salvation was that today was being absurdly hot on Erebor, and he wasn't even sure how inside the mountain could spread it so much, but here he was. Ready for the _heat._

  


Ori gave him thumbs up when they crossed paths at the corridor that led to the royal suite that Smaug was currently in. An exaggerated affair in with details made of gold even in the outside. Bilbo could only imagine the extravagance that was inside.

  


He took a deep breath when finally reached the ornamented entrance. Knocking three times before he could talk himself out of it. 

  


-Come in... - Drawled a voice from inside. Bilbo shuddered at the sound of it. He felt like there was something vicious dripping from it.

Opening the door made Bilbo realize he was both right and wrong. The room was opulent. But in the opposite manner that Erebor was. Almost as if mocking the dwarven idea of luxury, the room was complete white, adorned with glass and silver metals. All of the designs were absolutely variations of squares or straight lines. Not even sleek, there was no fluidity in the room, just harsh lines.

  


In the central couch laid sprawled Smaug. There was no doubt that it was him. Dressed in a slim dark red suit, a burgundy shirt, with his shoes, buttons and others details in what was certainly gold. Smaug loved to be the center of the attention and it showed in his long draconian face. His hair was an absurd tone of ginger, and his eyes were an uncomfortable shade of pale yellow. Something about his entire aura was disconcerting.

  


-Well, well, if isn't the burglar?

  


Bilbo saw himself running through the room and cannon balling himself out of the closest window. Glass spraying and all. In reality, he was frozen with his cold sweat almost running rivulets in him.

  


Smaug arched a cheeky eyebrow to him:

  


-Aren't you here to steal my very precious time?

  


He knew there were very few routes he could take from here. Smaug inadvertently or intentionally, Bilbo couldn't even be sure at this point, threw him complete out of his game. He needed to play things awkward or the ruse would be up, fair too quickly. Possible up in fire too. Nobody disclosed to him either the urge of putting things on fire was a biological vestige or an actual necessity in hybrid dragons.

  


-I'm deeply sorry, I came here under the pretense of doing an interview but I should had imagined that a man as smart as you would know better.

  


Smaug seemed somewhat flattered even if he looked like he didn't believed in one word that he heard.

  


-So, what really brought you here thief? 

  


Bilbo took a deep breath and the move made his catch something at the corner of the desk table.

  


A shimmering piece of paper.

  


-Perfect...- He breathed

  


He heard the leather of the couch squeaking so fast that Smaug moved. He was turned and inclined in his direction:

-What did you said halfling?

  


Bilbo couldn't tell either Smaug was deeply interested, or that he just guessed what he really came to do here. Either way, having the dragon full focus on him was one of the most uncomfortable things that he ever lived in his life.

  


-You...are! Perfect, I mean the legends, oh Smaug, they fall utterly short of your actual presence.

  


For a minute Bilbo thought his ruse was up. There was no way that Smaug would fall for that. He had physically heeled back at the statement and Bilbo fancied seeing his throat glowing a bit. 

  


-Legends...? - His voice was a complete different thing, small and without any rumble on it. Bilbo went forward.

  


-Oh yes! I am not sure if it is something that you like to be, but I do know what you are.

  


Smaug face was impassive.

  


-And what am I?

  


-A dragon. Hybrid dragon, that is.

  


The silence was so big that Bilbo was starting to look at the windows again. Trying to guess how thick they really were.

  


-Am I scarier than the legends then?

  


Bilbo imagined that he could finally glimpse what made Smaug be, well, Smaug.

  


-Scary? What, no, no, you are absolutely more magnificent than the legends. More charming too..– He forced a laugh out and hoped that it came out more as embarrassed than desperate.

  


It is a proof of how much Bilbo was _not_ prepared for this job, that he didn't even noticed Smaug prowling him basically against a wall and what was a smell so putrid coming out of his mouth that Bilbo wasn't sure how he wasn't feeling it since he entered the room.

  


-Don't you find the draconian things about me off putting?

  


Bilbo wanted to say yes, but he wasn't sure if either the word or his breakfast would come out. He settled into shaking his head negatively and faced the dragon in a manner he hoped it looked like star-struck and not almost paralyzed in terror.

  


Smaug seemed pleased enough, he turned back and started walking towards a mini bar. Bilbo took a deep breath and tried to not to think in what sort of life Smaug led to not be able to differentiate between genuine attraction and pure fear, instead to think what he could possible do to remove him from the room.

  


-What do you want then? 

  


On one side there was Smaug, distractly pouring drinks for what he assumed to be a very much not interview session. Something crawled Bilbo back at the thought. On the other side there was The Arkenstone, laid almost like a gift or a trap. But Bilbo only had one chance, and he wasn't about to put everything to lose now.

  


-I would want to draw you. In very few clothes if possible.

  


Smaug paused with a bottle of what seemed to be some very expensive vodka and turned around:

  


-Oh, cheeky!

  


_Sweet weeping Yavanna, give me strength._ Bilbo really couldn't believe when Smaug left the room to what was either the bathroom or his actual bedroom. He didn't stayed enough to know. He made a run for the document and left the room in a flash. His heart was a humming bird and he was sure it was about to flew out of his mouth any time now.

  


He couldn't stop the nagging thought that it was too easy, that Smaug couldn't possible had left the document that could destroy his plan so easily at the reach like this. But he also didn't had any reason to suspect Bilbo. He was a smug petty bastard after all, if Thorin accounts were anything to go by.

  


Bilbo was oddly relieved when a commotion could be heard from a few meters behind him. Meaning that what he did wasn't what was expected. Meaning it wasn't an actual trap. He set himself to sprint the faster that he could into the final destination of the plan. 

  


The main entrance of Erebor was bustling with activity as expected. Specially because of the actual reporters that were allowed to do a special recording that day. Everything poised for what Gandalf expected to be the a precise stab into Smaug belly of greed.

  


Kíli and Fíli delighted faces showed up on both sides of mezzanine, they both gave Bilbo thumbs up before he kept his pace. He could _hear_ Smaug bellowing now. For an outsider it might look almost like a child's play, when in fact it was the very destiny of Erebor that Bilbo was rushing for, with his hands gripped tight in the glittering paper.

  


Thorin arrived just time, grabbing the paper from Bilbo sweating hands.

-Are you okay?

  


Bilbo get lost for a minute in the dwarf worried face and then he just nods, running for his spot. Smaug is arriving in the main corridor pushing people around, in only...

  


Yes, he didn't bothered to get dressed apparently.

  


Smaug is screaming obscenities and curses at Bilbo only dressed with a flimsy gold colored boxer. Is the most ridiculous thing he ever saw in his life and he can't stop the gurgling laugh that comes out from his mouth.

  


-You think this is funny halfling! Wait until I sue you, I will get everything that own and you will still not be enough! Even your descendants will have to be walking miles to be able to pay your debt! 

  


Thorin choosed that moment to stand between the two of them:

-Sue Mrs. Baggins over what exactly Smaug?

  


The sneer that showed up in Smaug face was truly inhuman, it became even more vicious when he spotted the shimmering paper on his hand, he turned his contorted face to Bilbo then:

-Oh you dirty low thief! You did this for him! You poor little hobbit! Did he offered you money? 

  


Bilbo felt his chin lift proudly:

-Contrary to you Smaug, not everyone's life turns around money.

  


Smaug gaze wavered between him and Thorin, which made he realize, that the two of them were in an almost sideways embrace, Bilbo also had come forward trying to protect Thorin. Instinctively. He realized too late that was just what Smaug needed to launch again.

  


-Isn't this the most precious thing? A dwarf and hobbit! Never heard about but who am I to judge? I was certainly looking forward to understand how big footed folk worked anyway.

  


The slippery disgusting smile Smaug gave was terrible, but even worse was feeling Thorin instantly retracting from him. He didn't even had time to look at the dwarf, Fíli and Kíli had unleashed the trap that was prepared, a huge baloon filled with glue and gold glitter which Bilbo knew at this point would hardly make any difference.

  


He only noticed now that the people were recording everything in their phones and cameras, _and wasn't that wonderful?_ Bilbo would never publish a book on his life again. The glittering rain fell and he felt like there was some sort of poetic beauty behind it.

  


-AREN'T YOU ALL FOOLS? YOU CAN'T SHAME ME WITH GLAMOUR! I AM GLAMOROUS!

  


Gandalf had chosen that moment to show up, setting himself right in front of the bellowing dragon:

  


-And you! You old wizard of man! I knew you were plotting something! But I won't leave like this, I have footage, Gandalf! I can show to the world what all the terrible crimes that were done against me!

  


The man in question simple smiled:

-Do you mean Bilbo entering your room with your approval and retrieving a document? Which, could be anything, except The Arkenstone, of cours, you couldn't possible have this one in your possession, since then it would be _indeed_ a crime. Isn't?

  


Bilbo saw the repressed rage on Smaug glowing under all the glitter, and for a moment he really thought that the dragon would spit fire:

  


-CURSED BE YOU AND YOUR DWARVES GANDALF! STAY WITH THIS DIRTY AMOUNTED OF STONES YOU ALL LIKE TO CALL MOUNTAIN!

  


He trotted his way out almost slipping and the crowd around was certainly having a good laugh. Bilbo could see the company hollering him to stay away plus some other obscenities. Thorin was already outside, apparently he wanted give his last word to Smaug, which promptly made the sneer come back:

  


-And you Thorin, oh Masseur Under the Mountain, what a ridiculous thing you have done to what was a beautiful kingdom,- He lowered his head like a snake over the impassive dwarf – I hope you know you grandfather would never approve what you did. You cried when I told I would burn all those silly papers! But for what? You are already doing a wonderful job by mocking your own culture and selling it to _strangers!_

  


Bilbo heart ached over Thorin expression. He had no idea what royalty meant, much less to have hundreds of years of a hard won culture. He held his breath when he saw Thorin lifting his head again:

  


-My grandfather taught me that a king would do anything to provide his people. Even if he forgot it halfway. I am not sure if he still holds this values in his afterlife, you can try to pull the same tricks on me, but Smaug, I must tell you something very important.

  


Smaug, who had rounded Thorin, and now had his back to the fountain, stood still waiting for Thorin words:

  


\- _I am not my grandfather._

  


Thorin, Bilbo could see, took great pleasure in shoving Smaug with strength, which became an actual delight when the disgruntled dragon hit someone who was in passing. Bilbo was shocked to see it was the grim copilot. He seemed to be about to apologize when he finally discerned the face behind the gold:

  


-You are the arsehole that took my house from me!

  


There was not a movement of doubt, the grim man just firmed his grip on the dragon arms and shucked him straight into the fountain water.

  


The crowd around that filled plaza erupted into a cheer. Bilbo thought this was finally the happy ending of this quite frankly, ridiculous adventure, when Thorin turned back to him, and his face closed complete. Bilbo wasn't sure what exactly went wrong, but he knew he just couldn't stay a minute more in Erebor. He felt like he didn't belong there anyway, and to have the king disapproval stinging so sharply in him, was something that he wasn't ready to dig or uncover.

  


If Thorin doesn't want to smile to his face, so be it. He saved a kingdom, a wonderful city, years of culture. There was nothing else he could ask for.

  


  


*

Gandalf was wearing a expression more suitable for a funeral than a simple goodbye, which would take only a week for them to meet again.

  


-Bilbo, I must ask you again, are you sure about leaving this soon? You haven't even questioned what made Thorin close this way?

  


Sighing deeply, Bilbo pretended to fuss over his suitcase. If his eyes looked a bit watery when he turned to Gandalf, well that was just the air. Far too cold for this time of the year:

-I had made peace with the fact that was going to stay alone the rest of my life Gandalf. If the only person who seemed to, well who seemed to maybe be wanting something more than just a fling, just gave up on me like this, I think is a sign isn't?

  


Gandalf shook his head heavily.

  


-You did a wonderful thing my friend. The dwarven folk are forever indebted with you. - Bilbo scoffed an incredulous laugh- It is true. I am just very sorry that the one that should be thank you the most is more preoccupied in being stubborn than happy.

  


Bilbo looked back down and heard his flight being called. He went forward, waved at Gandalf and turned back to the corridor that led to his plane. Before he could finish crossing the stone sculpture that named The Carrock Airport, he heard.

  


-BILBO, BILBO WAIT!

  


He turned back with his heart hammering a known rhythm inside his chest. Just one dwarf could make beat it that way.

  


Thorin was running in his direction. _Absolutely perfect,_ his mind whined. Long hair flowing free, his expression open and so hopeful and eyes, the shire sky coming in his direction until it was the only thing he could see. The rest of the world was merely a blur. _Oh shit, I am in love, I am in love..._

  


-I am sorry, I doubted about your real intentions when Smaug taunted me. I should have never assumed without asking. In my whole life I had always to sell everything about my people as a product, and, and I just thought it was the same, that it was not really me that you wanted, that you were just fascinated by what a dwarf could offer.

  


Bilbo felt tears falling off when he shook his head in no. Thorin face was the softest thing he ever saw. He wanted to hold it in his heart forever.

  


-I am sorry – He whispered very close. - I have never been so wrong in all my life.

  


It felt like the entirety of time had stopped when their lips touched. Bilbo felt like there was something being fused in him. In time. In all the other places he might had ever been or not at all. When Bilbo opened his eyes to look at Thorin's he could no longer see the shire in them. All he could see was Erebor. _Home._

**Author's Note:**

> i had a really chaotic month when i was supposed to have time to be writing this, but i guess is better later than never. im fairly sure everything is meh, but is finished and is here. thank you for reading btw


End file.
